idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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