Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
