So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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