I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
