I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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