I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
