well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
