People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
