i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
