i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have post one night stand depression
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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