Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
