Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
