Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
