My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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