It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
