I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
