Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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