I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
