Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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