I think I just saw someone hide a body.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
