I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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