thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
