At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
