MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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