Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
