Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
