We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
