Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
