why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
