I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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