Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
