I must be too annoying 4 u.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
