He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
