after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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