i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
