I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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