He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
