He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
