I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
