There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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