i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
