I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
