so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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