R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
