I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
