I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
