When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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