She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
