i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
