FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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