Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
