I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i just lost a toe
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
